let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
