Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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