You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
