I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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