ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
