Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
