I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
