He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
