What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
