Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
