my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
