i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
