Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
