I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He better not be in your backpack
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
