Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
