I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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