Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
