Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
