so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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