He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
