Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
