Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
