I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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