Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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