I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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