at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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