i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
