If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
