How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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