Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
