why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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