I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
