Screwed.edu
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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