im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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