were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
