May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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