I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
