what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
