Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
