God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The air was thick with penises
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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