And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
