2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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