I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
