Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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