whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
