I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
