hotel room ftw
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
