You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
