If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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