the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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