so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
