So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
