i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
