where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
