his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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