So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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