maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
