and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
